


cause words never last

by Anonymous



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst and Feels, M/M, supernatural season 8
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-30
Updated: 2020-11-30
Packaged: 2021-03-10 03:29:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,816
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27797755
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/
Summary: “No hesitation.” Her sick voice came closer as she admires his final wicked work. “Quick. Brutal. Everything’s back in order. Finally, you’re ready.”Apparently, he’s not.
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester
Comments: 1
Kudos: 16
Collections: Anonymous





	cause words never last

**Author's Note:**

> This is my rewriting of Supernatural Season 8 Episode 17: Goodbye Stranger. My Version Of It.
> 
> This is slightly familiar to the real one, but I am focusing on Castiel instead of Sam and Dean. This also was one of my first stories, so apologies in advance if there are mistakes.

“No, Cas. No!” The husky voice he always adores begged him. His stoned face stared at the fearful one who looked back at him with pleading eyes. Castiel then took a hold of his arm and twisted it. A sound of bone cracking echoed the rooms as the hunter himself grunted to the pain. “No, Cas, don’t. Please.”

That was his last words. It seemed like a big part of Castiel was gone. He had just stabbed one of the thousands fake Dean.

He’s been practising. He’s been pushed to be practising. The fact that he’s technically killing Dean a thousand times makes him sick, but for the sake of Heaven, his home, his brother’s shelter, he decided to go against his will which was protecting the love of his life.

Looking from side to side, the hundreds of lifeless bodies lied before him. It made him look even crueller with the fact that he did this.

The angel stood there still, traumatized by what had just happened. Then a switch clicked ruining his silence. The sound of electricity buzzing. The lights around him beamed brighter as another company entered the place.

“No hesitation.” Her sick voice came closer as she admires his final wicked work. “Quick. Brutal. Everything’s back in order. Finally, you’re ready.” 

•

“Well, hello.” The old yet vintage looking magazine caught his eyes as they glowed in amazement. “These Men of Letters weren’t so boring after all.” The porn Asian magazine he was looking at. Dean’s still the pervert like Castiel knew. The brothers didn’t know it, but the angel has always been watching over them. He then smiled at Dean’s stupidity as he continued to watch him. “Konnichiwa . . . Hey, check this out. This is a first edition, dude.” Dean motioned the magazine at his sick brother.

Cas sighed at that. Sam was facing death and Dean didn’t know it even Sam himself.

“You know what this would go for on eBay?”

“No. Why? Do you?” Sam looked up from his laptop and to his brother funny.

“No,” Dean replied weakly. “Maybe. Shut up.”

Cas chuckled at the speechless one as Sam seemed to join him.

“You find anything?”

“I did. Dead bodies showing up all over the Midwest last week.”

And there went again. Their case. The Winchesters are everywhere there’s trouble. Always try to help. Cas tilted his head to the side, zoning out. He didn’t need to know about their huntings. All he needs was to concentrate on what was weighing on his shoulder at the moment. He’ll have to kill Dean if anything happens.

His trusts on Naomi were high. Sometimes he didn’t know why he would agree on working with her in the first place. If he had refused, he would have been haunted by Naomi either way.

As he was lost in his thoughts, he began to dig up the memories about him and the hunter. It was great times. He enjoyed it very much and Dean’s face didn’t say no to that either. The time Dean tried to hook him up with the blonde hooker was the best one. He didn’t really know how it works before, so pretty much he ended up reading her thoughts inappropriately.

He remembers Dean’s mouth turned from an ‘O’ shape to a bright smile when he finally got what happened to both of them. His strong husky voice laughed into his ear as he swung an arm over his shoulder, making him flattered about the physical contact. He thought Dean didn’t like the personal space invasion, but Dean was just nervous about the angel getting so close to him.

Cas looked down to earth one more time, only to see Dean frowned at the empty seat in his Impala. Sam went out of it first, leaving him behind – mesmerizing the times he used to have his angel by his side, but at the same time it hurt him because of the fact that his angel didn’t trust him. Betrayed him. Hid things away from him. And now, he hasn’t even heard about him for far too long.

“Hey, you ok? Come on!” His brother’s voice interrupted him as he knocked on the car window.

“Yeah, be there in a sec!” Dean then snapped out of his thoughts. Letting out a deep sigh, he stepped out of his Impala. He straightened his suits and turned around to close the car door behind him, ready to get on with the first visit to his first witness.

Castiel couldn’t help but stare at the hunter’s body. Big and strong. Developed through all years. The masculine figure never seems to fail to amuse him.

As he blinked eyes, he was now sitting in heaven instead of the fluffy cloud he was comfortable with.

“Naomi...” His deep voice travelled out his throat, showing a hint of annoyance that she always zapped him to upstairs with no permission every now and then. “What do you want now?”

“Crowley sent out his fellow demons to get the information about the angel tablet. We must stop him.”

“How?” He frowned at the thought of his old business partner as he asked.

“You need to kill every demon that tries to get in our way. We can’t let them get their hands on it.”

•

“Special Agent Lynne. This is my partner, Special Agent Tandy. We’d like to ask you a few questions about Ann Morton.”

“Oh.” Their second witness then chuckled nervously when she saw the sight of them. “Uh, uh, uh, of course. Please come in.”

As the interview continued on, they talked about the case. Meanwhile, Cas was roaming around town looking for the demons that were sent to look for the tablet.

He tried his best and he finally saw dark movements walking forward a house. He then noticed a familiar black figure. An Impala. By the time they reached the house, Cas still hesitated whether he should go in or not. He’s sure he’ll meet Dean there. How he’s going to confront him? Face him? Tell him the reason why he was gone?

Lost in his thoughts, a scream pierced through his head. He then quickly zapped himself into the building. Touching the demon, he blew them up. Ignoring the brothers’ shocked faces, he went up to kill more. As he was about to get to the last, the black smoke came out of the guy’s mouth and got into the woman’s body.

• 

“Put this on your shoulder.” Dean gave an ice bag at Sam.

“I’m fine.” His brother replied back, throwing it away.

“The other demon escaped. I bound the one I caught in a devil’s trap. I’m going to interrogate it now.”

“Wait a second. Cas.” Dean stopped the angel as he studied his face. Frowning at his sudden rush, questions began boiling in his head. “How about you answer some questions first? Like, where the hell have you been?”

Cas then slightly shrugged to the question. This is exactly what he was trying to avoid.

“You heard me, didn’t you?” Dean’s voice became stronger, making the angel scared.

“You prayed to him?” Sam asked – showing a hint that he had no idea about what his brother does at nights.

“Yes, I heard you.” _and I even watch over you._ Unfortunately, he couldn’t add that. “But that’s not why I’m here.” Now, it’s time for him to lie. There was nothing better than that right now. “I’ve been hunting demons.”

“So this is you. Why?”

“What should I tell them?” As his vessel struggled to answer the brothers’ question, his soul in heaven was speaking to Naomi.

“The truth.” She breathed out. “Most of it, anyway. Maybe they can get us closer.”

•

“Well, he puts the ‘ass’ in ‘Cass’, huh? He’s definitely off.” Dean looked at Cas staring off like he has no soul at all.

“Off?”

“He hasn’t been right since he got back from Purgatory. We still don’t know how he got out of there.”

“I don’t know, Dean,” said Sam, hopelessly. How could he know about these things when only his brother went through it? “If he’s so sketchy, then why were you praying to him?”

“You know, I can hear you both.” Cas couldn’t help it, but getting disturbed by the conversation they were having about him. He doesn’t like Dean talking bad about him that way, but he wasn’t exactly wrong either. It’s just that it hurts him to see that comes out of his lover’s lips.

•

“Sam and Dean Winchester….” Poor woman, she chuckled as she continued. Now, the ugly demon was inside of her. Probably she was screaming for help, but nobody could hear that.

As the conversation went on to where the part that the demon was about to blow his cover, Cas stabbed it. By the command of Naomi, she was satisfied with his actions while he was just sitting there letting her control his vessel, telling him what to do.

He then quickly got off to where the ‘pet’ was held hostage in which the demon had told them without even listening to the brothers’ protests.

Killing all of the demons that were in his way, he stood there waiting for the hunters to come. He knew that they were going to.

“Thanks for waiting.” Dean scoffed at him, once he’s reached Cas. Is it just me or has the angel finally understood the sarcasm?

“The hostage is in there.” Cas ignored it and pointed to the bathroom.

Sam and Dean looked at each other then took a look.

“Aren’t you a little short for a stormtrooper?”

• 

Sitting there in the room alone with Meg wasn’t really helping Castiel at all, but seeing her being tortured for over a year, he decided to take the job just because.

It also kind of made him feel something off about Dean when he left them to it. Cas healing Meg. Dean didn’t seem to like it at all. He hasn’t really done anything nice to welcome his angel back, and he was still angry at him. _Maybe, he’s traitor,_ Dean thought, but that grumpy face and the pair of bright blue eyes always seem to cheer him up every time he lays eyes on them.

The demon kept flirting with him as he wrapped bandages for her. He needed to agree with her with something to shut her up. He’s still not comfortable staying with women. He tended to stay silent, but hearing Meg kept calling him ‘Clarance’ kind of got uneasy for him.

When Meg asked to demonstrate the pizza man’s routine, he objected, but then he realized it was his cue to agree. He cringed at the thought though. He didn’t want to do it with anyone. He really wants a night out with Dean. The fact that both of them haven’t confessed to each other was killing them inside. Cas knew that. He read Dean’s mind. He was just waiting for him to go first.

An angel like him shouldn’t, he should let the hunter goes first he thought.

Why? Because he’s done things he shouldn’t have. Dean’s trust toward him was getting lower every time he betrayed him. The angel always thought that he was doing the right thing, but never once he did. Maybe he was too blind to see. Maybe it was too hard for him to handle it alone.

But as he waits during the time for him to confess, Dean goes out for a one night stand and he just disappears into thin air every time. It hurts him. Kills him inside. Yet the hunter wonders why the angel sucks at goodbyes.

He still remembered the first time he laid eyes on the hunter. The moment was so flattering for him. The green eyes. The spiky hair. And that rusty voice. Oh, how much he’s head over heel for him.

“Alright, let’s roll, Campers.” Dean broke the silence between the two. Seeing his angel smiling at the other woman breaks his heart, but he decided to think positive though it kills him that he couldn’t tell the angel how he really feels.

Cas felt like he has been brought back down to earth again. He couldn’t stand the inappropriate conversation with the demon at all. It seemed like Dean has always been the one to tell him the right thing to do. Turning away from Meg, he expected to see the hunter waiting for him at the door, but he’s already gone. Oh, no. He was too busy trying to get away from Meg. Now, the hunter was mad again. Can he ever do anything right for just once?

• 

“Alright, Cas and I will head in and get our Indiana Jones on. Sam, you stay outside with Meg.” As the four of them approached the building, Dean spoke to his brother.

Sam was taken aback by the duty and refused, but Dean insisted. He knew about the bloody rags and everything that Sam has been trying to hide. He tried to convince his brother not to do the trials, but he ‘accidentally’ did anyway.

Dean sternly forbade Sam to enter the place while they both tried to have a private conversation that Meg couldn’t possibly need to understand. Sam hopelessly told his brother that he was fine, but it was obviously useless. Dean could see that clearly.

Even Cas agreed with Dean, he knew that he couldn’t heal Sam at all. To this point, Sam has already been hardly damaged.

Going into the building, Dean couldn’t help asking if it was true about Sam’s condition.

As they went in further, Cas noticed that they had reached the place. Telling Dean to stay back though there was not enough room to do so, he broke through the wall.

While his vessel was with Dean, he went back to heaven and reported to Naomi. Since the demons were still in town, Cas had no choice, but to deal with it on his own.

“Dean.” He stared coldly toward the box as he pointed at it. “That’s it.”

“How do you know?” Looking at the box, Dean frowned at his angel’s confidence.

“It’s the only thing in here warded against angels.”

Dean then picked up the and placed it on the nearby place so that Cas could also see.

Walking closer to Dean, he glared at the hunter sharply as he opened the box.

“Winner, winner, chicken dinner,” Dean murmured as he cracked the lid open. Seeing the stone, he knew that he finally hit the Jackpot.

“Good. Hand it to me, and I’ll take it to heaven.”

“No, we will take it to Kevin, so he can translate.” Noticing that Cas began acting strangely, he then hold on to the tablet as he continued. And Cas was trying his best to convince Dean, but still, Dean didn’t trust him.

“I can’t let you take that, Dean.”

“Can’t or won’t?”

“ **Both**.”

Hearing the answer, he already knew that that’s not his angel. Staring coldly back to him, he finally asked the question he couldn’t seem to figure out himself. “How did you get out of Purgatory, Cas?”

While Naomi convinced Cas to bring the tablet to heaven, he struggled what he should choose.

“Just tell me how you got out of Purgatory. Be honest with me for the first time since you’ve been back and this is yours.” Back to earth, Dean decided to exchange the one question to his beloved angel with the tablet he needed, but Cas didn’t say anything except taking out his sword. Taken aback by action, Dean began his sentiments. “Cas. Cas, I don’t know what the hell is wrong with you, but if you’re in there and you can hear me, you don’t have to do this! Cas!”

As the thunder rumbled when Cas attacked Dean on the tablet he was still not sure what he should do. Naomi had complete control in his head and he didn’t seem to respond any question Dean asked. Telling him to kill Dean, Cas refused not to hurt him, yet he could do nothing, but letting her get the best of him anyway.

Picking up the tablet, Cas got in the way. Lifting his hand to punch his angel unwillingly, Cas grabbed his hand and twisted it. Just like how he practised.

The familiar sound of the bone cracked broke his heart inside, but he couldn’t stop. Naomi was still telling what to do. Screams reached his ears. With the same cold expressionless face, he ignored all Dean’s grunting and punched him repetitively.

“You want it? Take it!” Seeing that Cas turned his head to tablet, he choked out the words even though the pain was killing him. “But you’re gonna have to kill me first.” Dean gulped as he pushed his angel to do so. “Come on, you coward. Do it. Do it!”

Meanwhile, upstairs Cas was dying, but he still couldn’t stop. With Naomi in his head, he was a bomb waiting to go off to Dean. As Dean’s face got bloodier, he ignored Dean’s words. Naomi’s command to bring the tablet was bursting through his head.

“Cas! I know you’re in there.” Lifting up his hand ready to stab the hunter, his vessel stopped. “I know you can hear me. Cas.” And that began to fade in. Dean was on his knee, begging for his angel to come back. Is that so hard? “ _It’s me_.” His voice then started cracking, broke. Staring helplessly at his angel with the terribly bruised face that he gave him, he tried his best. _He will bring him back_ , he determined. “We’re family. We need you. _I need you_.”

The last sentence made him stunned. Dropping the blade down, he then reached out to the tablet.

Strangely enough, it hadn’t broken yet.

It was still in the core of the stone.

Holding onto the tablet, he teleported away to someplace else. So that he wouldn’t have to kill his lover.

What he didn’t know was Dean was still with him – next to him, gripping onto the hem of his trench coat.

“Cas. _Please_.” Dean was crying. He was in tears. For the first time, Cas saw his lover in pain. The damages he has done to him. “Fight this. This is not you. I’m begging you whatever you do, please don’t leave me. Stay with me. Fight with me.” All he can hear now was Dean’s voice. Hearing his cracked voice made him shattered inside. “Cas, it’s okay. I’m here. You can trust me.”

He did not see the car coming at all. He had just teleported himself and Dean to the middle of the road. Before he could even react since the Dean’s voice stung his head so bad he couldn’t hear Naomi, it hit them.

A flash second, both of them were sent flying across the street and into the forest. Then thunders started rumbling. And that only made it worst.

Cas was now laying on his face. Feeling his numb body, he squeezed his eyes shut – trying to take in the pain slowly. Blood started dripping down his head as he grunted. Gathering all of the strength to stand, he walked toward the now–revealed–tablet. Once he touched it, a light shone. It shone so brightly that he completely forgot about Naomi.

“Dean!” He shouted as he took a better look at the place. A few trees were collapsed. Probably by his and Dean’s body. And of course the car. It just drove away. Like nothing happened. Ignoring the pain, he searched for the hunter. “Dean!!”

Now, it was his turn for his voice to break. Once he spotted Dean, he felt like he had been stabbed to the eyes.

There he was – laying on the ground lifelessly staring up to the sky blindly.

“Dean. Stay with me.” Cas rushed towards his body, shoving him onto his lap as he put a hand on his chest. “Dean. Dean?”

There was only silence between the two..

“No, no, no...” He bit his lips as he began to rock back and forth with his lover’s body. His light sobbing began to get louder every time he breathed. “Dean. Please...”

Gathering all of his power, he pressed his finger to the blood strained forehead. Nothing happened.

“Please . . .” He screamed out the word as he pushed his voice up through his throat though he was desperately crying for help. “Dean, no!!”

His sore voice boomed the whole forest as he tried his best to come up with something. Quick.

Putting his hand back on his chest, an idea struck him. Almost immediately, he put his plan into progress. He was going to need to touch his soul.

Gulping the sobs down his throat, he stopped himself from panicking. Concentrating hard on the soul, he then began the ritual.

As his hand had already placed on his chest, he went into it. People don’t just die immediately. They have at least 9 to 10 seconds without breathing. It didn’t take him long to reach it though. Dean’s soul was pure. Of course. A righteous man’s heart has always been pure, but that doesn’t mean he wasn’t broken.

Right there, it hit him. Dean’s pain. He could feel it. Personally. It was terrible. And the worst part was he was the one who mostly caused it. His lies. His absents.

The angel felt like he didn’t deserve him. Dean maybe is a douche–bag who always goes for one-night stand, but if he’s put his heart into it... He won’t let it go. He won’t do anything to disappoint it, yet Cas keeps doing the same thing all over again and again.

Embracing the hunter’s soul, he was now so close in bringing Dean back. It was fading. And he could clearly see that. Just because he wasn’t breathing that didn’t mean his soul was gone. It’s just the matter time when it breaks and dies. And he couldn’t let that happen.

Opening his eyes back, he looked at the hunter. It was done. He has brought his soul back though he couldn’t do anything with the damaged face. Yet. Unless he’s breathing.

“Dean?” His voice broke as he said so. “Dean. Please . . . Wake up...”

The hunter only stayed still – lying peacefully on the angel’s lap. He still wasn’t breathing.

“Dean...” It was quiet sobs until _Cas lost it._ “DEAN!!”

He then began shaking the lifeless body as he shed his tears. “You son of a bitch!! You wake up right now!”

It was like he was mocking him. He was begging for him to come back yet he just stayed silence with his eyes closed.

“Dean! No! No . . . Dean... Dean!!!” Cas had it. He then punched his lover on the chest. Hard. “DEAN! Wake the hell up!”

With another punch, Dean’s body shot up from the laying position as he quickly engulfed his angel with full force.

“No, Cas!” Reaching out to his gun in his pocket, he cocked it. Blindly swing it here and there, the hunter breathed heavily. It’s like oxygen just rushes into his lungs, but he didn’t care about that now. Holding onto Castiel with his dear life, he whimpered. “Cas, don’t leave me. Don’t go…”

“Oh, god. Dean!” Surprised by his sudden consciousness, he hugged Dean back at his breathless moment. “I was so scared.”

“Oh, Cas.” Realizing his angel needed a severe comfort from him, he pulled back from the hug and looked him in the eyes. Getting lost in the blue ocean like orbs, he ran a thumb softly on the angel’s cheek.

“You weren’t... You... Silence. You didn’t reply to me when I screamed for you.” His puppy dog face gazed at the rough blood strained face. Lifting his hand up the hunter’s forehead, he presses a finger on it. “You were dead...”

“It’s okay, Castiel.”

Looking away from the forehead which he has healed up and into the eyes, he loses himself into Dean’s touch. He couldn’t help noticing that Dean had just called him ‘Castiel’. Dean doesn’t call him the name too frequently. Almost never.

At first, he thought that Dean hated it. Hated it for being too long, but then that one night when he read the hunter’s thoughts, Dean was thinking how beautiful, how lovely his name was. He may not say his name much, but he thinks it’s cuter just to call him by Cas.

“I’m here. It’s okay now. It’s okay. I’m here.” Dean then embraced his angel in a tight hug again as he caressed the dark messy hair he had always wanted to touch.

They have never been this close. Both of them know that they’re dying every time they just decide to go by their ways. Separate ways. Every time it’s this close to them, they just throw away the chance, but they’re not doing it now. They’re enjoying every moment they’re having.

“What happened?” Dean broke the comfortable silence as he was closing his eyes, feeling the moment.

“You know... Let’s not talk about that now.” Cas pulled away, looking at Dean. “I have something–”

“I love you.”

Dean stared Cas, studying every inch of his face. He was so flattered right now. He knew that he would he give everything to get this close to the angel. Cutting off Cas, he said it. Finally, he’s taken it off his chest. He may not be a big fan of chick flicks, but he was in love at this moment. He didn’t care.

“Castiel, I’m in love with _you_.” Looking back into his eyes, he continued. “I know I should’ve said this earlier. I know this was my entire fault. I know I always blame you for the mistakes you’ve made, but nothing seems to affect my feelings for you. I’ve always been in the closet.”

“Dean…”

“When you beat me up back there, I realized I’m dead already. I know that I couldn’t survive, but I fought for it anyway. For you. I can’t just die. Die without telling how much I love you.”

“Dean–”

“How much I’ve always adored the hair you’re rocking. The eyes you’re having. The trench coat you’re wearing.”

“Dean.” Cas stopped him sternly. He needed to process this slowly. The fact that the hunter was finally confessing his true feelings inside made him fall for him even more. “I love you too-”

“No.”

“What?” Cas was taken aback by his interruption this time. What’s going on?

“I don’t believe you.”

“But–”

“You weren’t there when I need you. You didn’t answer me when I prayed to you. You didn’t explain it to me when I’m lost with you.”

“Dean–”

“Don’t ‘Dean’ me, Cas!” It seemed like Dean had also lost it. “You know much it burns me when I ignore you?! Whe– When I snap at you unwillingly? Why am I always the one who gets to experience everything? Every damn thing you’ve put me through–”

“I was dying, Dean!!” Cas cut him back. “You’re not the only one! I was waiting for you to confess, but you just... You just chose not to. It haunts me every time you smirk cheekily to another woman. I was on the verge of breaking, Dean! I’m telling you I’m confused!! Why are you saying that you love me then refusing me to love you back!?”

“I didn’t say that.” Dean’s voice turned softer when he has heard what his angel burst out. “I didn’t refuse. I just didn’t trust you. You corrupted me with your words, Cas. You need to do more than that to convince me.”

“Why?”

“Cause actions speak louder than words.” The hunter smiled warmly at his angel who’s now looking at him adoringly. “ _Cause words never last_.”

And with that Castiel brought himself to lean forward and pressed his lips softly over his lover’s thin ones.

Dean didn’t take any time to process what’s happening and kissed him back willingly. The taste of the angel’s lips was something he has never experienced before.

Sweet and loving. Trusts and believing. Those were what the kiss had shown.

Their hearts used to be on a string. A string that only plays solo. It was torturing every time they ignore each other. Doing things on their own. Keeping their true feelings inside.

But now, everything was great.

Breaking away from the kiss, the hunter didn’t say anything but beamed at his angel brightly. Decided to keep the comfortable silence, Dean sent a direct link to Cas telepathically.

**“I love you, Castiel.”**

And Cas?

He just leaned to the hunter again. Enjoying the moment, they both smiled into the kiss. Finally, the love they’ve been dying to wish for was happening right now.

Now, he understood. All he has to do for Dean to believe him was to prove it to him. With actions and responsibilities. Not with words.


End file.
